Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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