If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
