Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
