someone owes me an orgasm
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
