I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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