I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
