Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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