I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
