Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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