he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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