Porn is love you can see.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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