I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
