so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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