So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
