eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
