WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
