I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
