Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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