The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
