In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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