I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
