I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
