dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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