even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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