What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm always down for nudity.
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