mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
