Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
