He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
