..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
