I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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