I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
