tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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