plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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