The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
