Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
