the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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