you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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