He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
