I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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