apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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