Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My bed smells like the plague
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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