Barsexuality is the new black.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Text me some of your sweat
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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