Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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