Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
