I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
