im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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