Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
