I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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