Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
