Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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