he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
