Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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