ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
