they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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