You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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